By the time anyone noticed, she was already gone.
People rarely leave because of one bad day. More often, they leave after months of feeling overlooked, undervalued, or simply like work has stopped being worth the effort.
Insight: Managers don't control every reason someone leaves. But they have enormous influence over the experience that determines whether someone wants to stay.
Every day, managers shape how people experience their jobs. Through the check-in that did or didn't happen. The idea that went unacknowledged. The tone of voice under pressure. What gets recognized. And who gets the most meaningful work.
These everyday moments shape how people feel about coming to work. Over time, they shape culture too. Which is why taking responsibility for your team's experience is the biggest contribution a manager can make to the business.
Because when that experience stops feeling rewarding, leaving becomes much easier to imagine.
Real Leadership Story: The team member no one managed to keep
Comments about her performance started to surface. She was described as too slow, awkward, someone who missed a lot of deadlines.
Her team leader wasn't overly surprised. After all, they saw the sideways glances. Who took lunch together and who rooted for one another.
But the work was getting done, and there were more pressing things to manage. Besides, she was always one of the first in and the last to leave. She worked hard. If anything, she seemed to be trying harder than everyone else.
Yet the feedback kept coming. And it was starting to circulate and shape how people outside the team saw her.
The team leader decided to inform her manager and HR, then turned back to managing the work.
But the tension kept building within the team. Then she started calling in sick. Deadlines slipped. The energy she'd brought to her work disappeared. Within a month, she resigned.
Looking back, the problem wasn't her performance. It was that no one took ownership of her experience before it deteriorated. That responsibility sat with her team leader long before HR ever became involved.
In the Moment: Pay attention on purpose
Retention starts with taking an interest in people beyond getting the work done. It's the small, consistent actions that tell people they matter and you’re rooting for them.
A few ways to show people they matter:
Praise your people publicly. Let them, and their peers, know when someone went the extra mile, delivered an exceptional result or made a positive impact.
Look for opportunities outside day-to-day tasks to stretch your team and show you’re invested in their growth. Hosting lunch and learns, brainstorm facilitation, and even summer or winter party coordination might seem like extra tasks but most people want to contribute in a meaningful way and are keen to step up.
Get to know your team outside of the day-to-day work. Ask about their families, pets, after-work activities, personal goals and pastimes. Share details about your own life. People want to know they're valued for more than what they produce. Taking the time to build relationships reminds them they matter as people, not just employees.
Those are a few ways to shape someone's experience. These questions can help you spot the signs before someone decides it's time to leave.
Who is consistently left out of conversations, lunches, or opportunities?
When did you last ask your quieter team members for their perspective?
Are you speaking positively about your people when they aren't in the room?
Do you know what matters most to the people on your team right now, and whether they're getting it?
Who haven't you publicly acknowledged lately, and what do they contribute?
The signs are usually there before the resignation letter is.
Question to Sit With This Week:
Think about your team right now. Has someone become a little quieter or more withdrawn over the past few months?
What's one thing you could do this week to bring them back in?
Got a leadership challenge? Email me at [email protected] and I’ll tackle it in a future issue of The Present Leader.