There’s a moment almost all of us recognize.
When a team member undermines others, it’s not always obvious at first. A comment in a meeting. A tone that lands wrong. Over time, a pattern of dismissing ideas. Whether they’re aware of it or not, people notice.
At the same time, leadership is clear about expectations. Respect and culture matter. And people come first.
So when a performance review happens and that same person moves up, people draw their own conclusions.
And it sets a tone.
Insight: Teams don’t take their cues from values. They take them from what gets rewarded
You can say all the right things about culture, respect, and how people should work together. But people are paying attention to what actually moves someone forward.
Once that promotion happens, the standard changes, whether anyone says it out loud or not.
And from that point on, people adjust. Not based on what’s been said, but on what they’ve seen.
Real Leadership Story: The announcement lands
The announcement is made on a Tuesday morning.
You read it twice. Then you close your laptop and head to your next meeting.
By the afternoon, your team has seen it. You can tell before anyone says a word. There’s a flatness to the room that wasn’t there in the morning.
One of your team members catches your eye. They’ve been quieter lately. They don’t say anything.
They don’t have to.
You know what they’re thinking, because you’re thinking it too.
This is the person who talked over others in brainstorms. Who had a way of making people feel small without ever saying anything you could point to. Who was always the first to speak, especially when leadership was in the room.
You watched it happen. Others did too.
And now their name is on an announcement with the word promoted next to it.
Your team isn’t looking for an explanation. They know you don’t have one.
What they’re trying to figure out is something else.
Is this what actually gets rewarded here?
Should I adjust?
Am I the right fit for this team?
You have about thirty seconds before someone breaks the silence.
In the Moment: Address it
When something happens that doesn’t align with what’s been said, your team already sees it. What they’re watching now is whether you address it or act like nothing happened.
Bring it into the room.
If the news is shared with you before it’s announced to the larger team, give those you know will be most impacted a heads up. It signals that you're paying attention and that they don't have to process it on their own.
Then address it the next time the team gathers. Bringing it into the room doesn’t mean explaining or defending the decision. It means naming what everyone just learned and setting a clear standard for what still holds.
Call out the gap between what’s been said and what just happened. You don’t need to validate frustration. You do need to show you’re not ignoring it.
Set the standard for your team.
You don’t control what gets rewarded above you. You do control how your team works.
Say it plainly, as a commitment: “I know what just happened might have been difficult for some to take in. I can’t speak to the decision. What I can tell you is that how we treat each other on this team hasn’t changed. I still expect us to treat each other with respect, and I’ll hold that standard.”
You’re not fixing the broader culture.
You’re setting a clear standard for how your team works.
Question to Sit With This Week:
When something gets rewarded that doesn’t match what’s been said, how do you show your team what still matters?
Got a leadership challenge? Email me at [email protected] and I’ll tackle it in a future issue of The Present Leader.