We want people to exercise judgment rather than constantly asking their managers what to do.
But judgment requires a certain level of experience.
What looks like a simple decision to someone who's done something twenty times can be completely unfamiliar to someone doing it for the first time.
Insight: You can't exercise judgment you haven't had the opportunity to develop.
The amount of direction someone needs isn't the same for everyone. It depends on the person, the task, their experience and the consequences of getting it wrong.
A manager may genuinely believe they're developing someone by resisting the urge to answer every question. And the employee may genuinely experience the same behaviour as a lack of support.
Neither means the other person is doing something wrong. The challenge is that with experience you can sometimes forget what you once had to learn. What feels like common sense may actually be knowledge you've accumulated over years.
So, what do you do when the support you're receiving isn't the support you need?
Real leadership story: The media basket
Many years ago, when I was just starting out in PR, I was asked to manage a media drop for a new kitchen product called the Jamie Oliver Flavour Shaker.
I'd never worked on a consumer project, or even sat near the consumer team. I didn't know what a media basket was, let alone why we'd build one to generate coverage. I was very green and needed clear direction. But I didn't yet know how to explain what I didn't know. So I did the sensible thing and asked my manager.
They didn’t answer. Instead, they looked at me exasperated and said, “Oh, Sherry.” Then they pushed past me, grabbed the box of product, and started building the baskets themselves.
I felt shame rise up in my cheeks. ‘How did I not know how to build the stupid basket? What was wrong with me? Why did everyone else know what needed to be done? My boss now thinks I’m incompetent. Am I going to get fired?’
Today, I wonder why I was carrying shame for asking a question. Back then, I just wanted the floor to swallow me.
Watching them take over didn't teach me how to build the basket. It taught me to be nervous about asking.
I understand why managers get frustrated when they think someone should be able to figure it out. But it's worth asking first: have I given them enough context to figure it out?
Sometimes what looks like a request for instructions is really a request for context.
In the Moment: Name what you need.
Instead of: “I’m not sure what to do, can you help?”
Try: “I have a recommendation, but I don't have enough experience with X to understand the impact. That's the part I'd like your guidance on.”
Or: “I'm comfortable making A and B decisions myself. I need your input before I make C.”
And if you can't name the gap yet: "Can you walk me through how you'd approach this, so I can see what I'm missing?"
What if the manager doesn't engage? These suggestions won't fix a frustrated manager. But they can help you identify exactly what you're missing and make it easier to seek that context somewhere else.
The goal isn't asking your manager for more direction. It's getting more precise about where your judgment ends and where theirs begins.
Managers: when someone names a gap, or asks you to walk them through your thinking, treat it as judgment in action, not a lack of it.
Question to Sit With This Week:
When someone asks you for help, what are they actually asking for?
Got a leadership challenge? Email me at [email protected] and I’ll tackle it in an upcoming issue of The Present Leader.